Oh Baby, I'm Losin' You!

My little girl is growing up too quickly! I know she's still a baby, but as my grandmother MaBelle likes to say, babies don't want to be babies no more - they want to be grown! They come out with their eyes wide open and they seem to be more adept at holding up their heads at earlier ages. Penny doesn't like to be cradled like a baby anymore, and she likes to stand in my lap more than sit. I told Steve that people don't give babies enough credit - they are much smarter than we think.

I think we're gonna be in trouble with this little girl! Up until now, Penny has been a total Mommy's Girl. She didn't want much to do with Steve at all. But I see it changing. Yesterday, she was sitting in his lap and actually reached for me. So I got her, gave her a few kisses and gave her back. Then, I left to go get myself a cup of coffee (decaf, of course). I guess I must have upset her, seeing as how I didn't ask for permission nor tell her where I was going. Steve followed seconds later, and as he was holding her, I leaned in to kiss her and she actually TURNED HER HEAD. I laughed and tried again. She TURNED HER HEAD! She did it a good four or five times in a row! We were both laughing so hard, and I'm sure that probably played into it. She liked the reaction she got out of us, so she kept on doing it. Little rascal!

Now, she knows how to play Steve like a fiddle. She knows how to poke her bottom lip out just so to get what she wants. She has this certain half-cry that she knows sends him running to pick her up. If it doesn't work, she gives us this "ahuh, ahuh" that sounds like she's just cranking up until she lets out a full blown wail, complete with the waterworks. My dad used to get mad at me because I always cried over everything, especially when I got in trouble, and he used to complain about my "alligator tears." I think I've passed it down to her. No matter if she just wants to be held and cuddled for a while, or she's hot, or just feeling cranky, or is hating her diaper change, she lets the tears flow. I think we have a drama queen on our hands! Once you pick her up and wipe her tears, she spends a good several minutes snuffling like she's just been so hurt. Of course, I make a fuss over her and am rubbing her back and kissing "my poor baby" and she just whines and moans like it was the worst day of her life. When she coughs - and I think she might be faking a little bit - I always pick her up quickly, patting her back and asking "is my baby o-kay?" and she heaves her breath in and out and opens her eyes really wide, looking around like "Did you see that, I almost died!"

She has discovered that baby in the mirror. She loves to look at herself, and will smile and coo at herself. We sat in front of the full length mirror and as I was holding her up she "walked" right up to herself and about near smacked her face - she was so determined to get that baby! She kept touching at it and couldn't quite figure it out. She even loves to look at pictures of herself. She got her vanity from the Williams side of the family, for sure.

Alas, I think I am losing her. She is taking to Steve more and more. She stares at him until he will look at her, and she smiles and coos for him. Of course, seeing as how I am her source of nourishment, she will just have to put up with me. : )

Posing like the little diva that she is.

Looks like she wants to punch someone here.


Sitting up like a big girl!


Giving Daddy a hard time.

Thoughts on Motherhood so far . . .

Before I gave birth to Penny, I always saw myself as a mother to boys. I could not imagine having a little girl. I had nothing against little girls, I just thought I could be a better mother to boys. Even when the doctor confirmed over and over again that we were having a girl, and even though I was excited to have a girl, I still couldn't wrap my mind around the idea. Every dream I had depicted a boy and I began to wonder if maybe the doctor had made a mistake (over and over again). Then, a few weeks before she was born, I had a dream that I was having a c-section and they took a boy out first, but they whisked him away to the table at my feet and I couldn't see him, and then a girl came and they put her on my chest. I remember sending Steve to check on our son while I held the little girl on my chest. Then, the next thing I knew, the little boy was walking out of the room and I asked him, "Where are you going?" and he laughingly responded, "I'm not your son," and was gone. I puzzled and puzzled over the meaning of that dream, and it wasn't until she was born that I understood what it was saying. I was so wrapped up in my ideal of having a son that I couldn't imagine a daughter. But when she was born, all the ideals and dreams of having a little boy walked right out the door and I fell completely in love with this little girl on my chest. When I saw her, I knew she was exactly the baby I was meant to have.

Motherhood has been good to me and for me thus far. Every single day I find myself thanking God for this big little miracle. Every single day I find myself loving her more and more. I am amazed every time she gazes into my eyes or gives me one of those gummy smiles. I have grown as a woman and discovered so much about myself, my passions, my strength in these two months. I have discovered that I can be amazingly agile, fabulously flexible, particularly patient and tremendously tired - but I have been joyful every step of the way. I have learned to do almost ANYTHING with just one hand, and how to improvise on the fly. I've gotten happy over seeing a poopy diaper, and laughed when peed on, pooped on, puked on. I've worried over feeding, weight and growth charts. I've endured plugged ducts almost every other week and being treated as a human pacifier. I've given up set schedules and housework and sometimes dinner when my baby needed me. Amazingly, I've still managed to have time to myself (thanks to my wonderful husband) to soak, relax and read a book.

After suffering with infertility for so long, I don't take this miracle lightly. So many people always ask, "when is the next one coming?" If you've not been down that road, you probably wouldn't understand. This is a miracle of the highest order, in my opinion, and I am content. People say, oh now that you've had one, everything is fine and you'll go on to have more. That's not necessarily true; there are no guarantees that I can have another baby. I am very content with my daughter and I've told God I will not ask for more. If He decides to bless us with another, that's all fine and well, but it is not something I am seeking after. Besides, I have waited so incredibly long for this little girl, I just want to enjoy every possible moment with her. She is just a baby, and I am not interested in pushing her to the side so quickly in pursuit of the next one. I am not opposed to having another baby, but the desire does not consume me, and I certainly don't want it to happen any time soon. Nevertheless, not my will, but His.

I've had some wonderful jobs and opportunities so far in life, but I get the feeling that this is what I was born to do. I love getting up everyday (it doesn't even bother me to get up at night) and every night I go to bed exhausted but content and grateful. Even with no accolades or appreciation, there's nothing else I'd rather be doing. I was made for this, born for this moment in life. She is the most amazing and beautiful thing my heart has ever known and I love being her Mommy!

Surgical Consult

We saw a surgeon today regarding Penny's very large umbilical hernia. I mean, that this is HUGE. They've decided that they want to go on and do the surgery, since it will most likely not go away in the next couple years and there are several different pieces of intestine in there and they don't want it to get all twisted and tangled up, which would cause pain and other complications. So, we have surgery scheduled for August 26th, the day after she turns 3 months.

I certainly do not like the idea of my baby having surgery, but I know it's for the best and I trust in God that all will be well. I will be able to be right by her side the entire time she is in the hospital, so I don't have to worry about leaving her there alone; they said she will be there 3 days and 2 nights. Before we go, we also have to see a cardiologist because the pediatrician heard a small heart murmur at our last visit. She wasn't worried about it, and neither was I, but we will still see the specialist just to be sure. Looks like our next couple weeks will be very busy.

Anyhow, she's doing really well and growing more and more every single day. We are approaching the 9 pound mark and I can feel the heft! She is such a sweet baby - she makes being a mommy really easy on me. I love waking up to her smiling face and hearing her coos when she's trying to stave off going to sleep. She loves to give us these looks like "What in the world are you talking about?" and she has even put her hand over my mouth as if to say "That's enough talking for now, Mommy." And she loves to jump and bounce, and her favorite song right now is "One Little Penny Jumping on the Bed" to the tune of "10 Little Monkeys." Her favorite sleepytime song is "You are my Sunshine" and sometimes "The Rainbow Connection." I have had to reach back into my childhood and pull out all the songs I've accumulated - and she really seems to like hearing me sing (even if no one else does). She is very vocal and I swear it sounds like she is straight up talking sometimes! I sometimes get the feeling that she doesn't like getting all dressed up, because every time I have her looking extra cute ('cause you know I always have her looking fly!) she throws a fit and just wants to cry and even will pull off her headbands sometimes. She has such personality! Every single day I think I fall more and more in love with her.

Here are a few more pics from today!

She is really growing into her swing!

These pearls were a birthday/push present, and will belong to her one day!

This is Penny's favorite toy/rattle, Piglet! He can always bring a smile to her face.