So, my sister, Jessica, says that I'm in denial. And perhaps that is so. Before my appointment with the specialist, I thought to myself, "Maybe I should have my bag packed just in case something is really wrong and they have to induce me right away." But then I said, "Nah." I figure, if I don't have my bag packed, then they can't keep me there. And I still refuse to finish packing my bag. I've done most everything else that needs to be done. I just have to sterilize pacifiers and pump parts and *pack my bag*. Something about that bag - I mean, if I leave that one thing undone, then she can't come, right? At least, not until I decide I'm ready and I finally get it packed. Yes, I know this is perfectly illogical and she's going to come when she's ready, whether that bag is packed or not. But I'm still holding on to that sentiment. No bag packed = no baby coming.
Before, when Dr. M first mentioned that I could schedule an induction, I was all about that. Now that it seems I won't have a choice in the matter I want to put up a fight. Of course, I want to meet her soon, and it would be great to be able to schedule it just so. But wow - she's actually going to come out soon. And I don't think I'm ready for that. It's too late to send her back now, huh? Sometimes I wonder, "What was I thinking, wanting a baby and all? I'm not ready for that!" But it's a little too late for all that. You'd think after 7 years of wanting and trying for a baby that I'd be chomping at the bit to get her here, but all I want to do is go hide. I just won't pack that bag yet. ; )
Steve has done a whole lot more nesting than me. He has reorganized closets, moved around furniture, and got all the baby stuff that I put on his list done. I did all her laundry and some of the stuff on my baby list. Mostly, I'm too doggone tired to do anything. It's amazing - I can sleep until 9:30/10 AM every morning, then have breakfast and want to nap again immediately afterwards, then get up and straighten up the house (maybe!) and have lunch, and nap again around 1:30/2 PM, then get up and fix dinner and wait for Steve to get home, then want to sleep again after we eat (although I usually don't) and go to bed and do it all over again. I tell Steve he has sympathy fatigue, he usually falls asleep soon after dinner and sleeps the whole evening away. I figure I'll let him get away with it for now, because once Stephanie is here, our evenings will be busy.
But seriously though, I AM excited about the prospect of her being here in 2 to 3 weeks. We've waited so long for this, and I really can't wait to meet her. And Steve will get to celebrate his first Father's Day with his baby girl in his arms! I can finally dress her in those cute teensy little clothes and see how she likes her swing and take her for walks in her stroller. We'll finally have some noise in our house and our lives will never be the same.
Okay . . . I guess I'll go pack my bag.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Specialist Appointment
Well, I just got in from my appointment with the specialist. It was an adventure. I had to drive myself (for the first time!!) because Steve had to be at Ramstein today. Thank God for GPS and for helping me to arrive there safely. Once I get there, I got the run-around and went to three different places before I ended up where I needed to be (which was NOT where Dr. M told me) and by the time I get there I'm very sore (which is what I get for trying to look cute and wearing wedge heels).
The specialist was nice, but with the language barrier, our communication was sparse. He was joined by another doctor who sat in, and the two of them chatted and pointed at the screen, meanwhile I'm sitting there trying to make sense of all the measurements and so forth. It was a rather lonely experience. True to form, Stephanie was unhappy about all the monitoring and poking and prodding, especially since he kept pressing on her head, and continually jammed her feet into my ribs.
After a million pictures and measurements, I sat up and got to chat with the doctor. Blood flow to Stephanie is just fine, however her size was definitely a concern to him. She is weighing just under 4 pounds (which is what Dr. M estimated as well). He thinks the problem may be with the placenta, but there's no way to test for that until after she is born. We keep our own OB charts here, so I was able to pick out "asymmetrical IUGR" (intrauterine growth restriction) and he told me that we should induce in the next couple weeks once Dr. M returns from holiday. I was sent downstairs to Labor & Delivery for another NST with instructions to return again next week. Dr. M will be back the following week, and I guess we'll schedule our induction for sometime that week or the next week.
I'm not sure how to feel right now. On one hand, I am definitely looking forward to meeting her. And it would be convenient to know exactly when she is coming. And I know that if my placenta is failing, it is best for her to be born sooner than later. But I feel awful that I wasn't able to support her properly. I know she is healthy otherwise, but I still feel bad, like I personally failed her somehow. I hope she grows more in the next couple weeks. I know that I am in great hands here and I completely trust my doctor to do whatever is necessary to ensure a good birth, and of course, I trust that it is all in God's hands.
I guess I'd better get on the ball and get all my stuff together! Steve has been nesting more than me. : ) He has moved furniture, organized closets and set up all the other baby stuff. I did get all her laundry done, but I still need to sterilize bottles, pacifiers & pump parts, and finish packing our bags for the hospital. No more lollygagging - I've got to get it all done now.
This is me at 34 weeks. She takes up every inch of my belly space!
The specialist was nice, but with the language barrier, our communication was sparse. He was joined by another doctor who sat in, and the two of them chatted and pointed at the screen, meanwhile I'm sitting there trying to make sense of all the measurements and so forth. It was a rather lonely experience. True to form, Stephanie was unhappy about all the monitoring and poking and prodding, especially since he kept pressing on her head, and continually jammed her feet into my ribs.
After a million pictures and measurements, I sat up and got to chat with the doctor. Blood flow to Stephanie is just fine, however her size was definitely a concern to him. She is weighing just under 4 pounds (which is what Dr. M estimated as well). He thinks the problem may be with the placenta, but there's no way to test for that until after she is born. We keep our own OB charts here, so I was able to pick out "asymmetrical IUGR" (intrauterine growth restriction) and he told me that we should induce in the next couple weeks once Dr. M returns from holiday. I was sent downstairs to Labor & Delivery for another NST with instructions to return again next week. Dr. M will be back the following week, and I guess we'll schedule our induction for sometime that week or the next week.
I'm not sure how to feel right now. On one hand, I am definitely looking forward to meeting her. And it would be convenient to know exactly when she is coming. And I know that if my placenta is failing, it is best for her to be born sooner than later. But I feel awful that I wasn't able to support her properly. I know she is healthy otherwise, but I still feel bad, like I personally failed her somehow. I hope she grows more in the next couple weeks. I know that I am in great hands here and I completely trust my doctor to do whatever is necessary to ensure a good birth, and of course, I trust that it is all in God's hands.
I guess I'd better get on the ball and get all my stuff together! Steve has been nesting more than me. : ) He has moved furniture, organized closets and set up all the other baby stuff. I did get all her laundry done, but I still need to sterilize bottles, pacifiers & pump parts, and finish packing our bags for the hospital. No more lollygagging - I've got to get it all done now.
This is me at 34 weeks. She takes up every inch of my belly space!
Friday, May 15, 2009
Lil Bit
Yes, another doctor's appointment - this one a little disappointing and frightening. My doctor is leaving for holiday for the next two weeks, and we were among the last patients (and the last to leave) so we really didn't get to spend a whole lot of time with him. I had printed out a list of questions and didn't even get to discuss it with him. I know he was ready to leave for vacation, but still. Anyhow, we got to see Stephanie again, but only in pieces since she is too big to get a full shot anymore. She is shaping up to be a small baby. Which is fine, I guess, but kinda concerns me. Dr. M noticed some calcification on my placenta as well, but didn't seem concerned and tried to convince me not to worry. Well, of course I'm concerned - my placenta is aging and baby girl is measuring a couple weeks behind (although you'd never guess that looking at me). He noticed that and offered to set up an appointment with a specialist so we can get a better look and make sure everything really is fine. We did the usual NST, and baby girl passed with flying colors, as always, so Dr. M says she is perfect. She may be small, but she's healthy. Well, I do believe she is healthy, but a second opinion never hurt. Meanwhile, I am trying to stay calm until we can get in to the specialist and get a better look.
I'll post an update after the specialist appointment.
I'll post an update after the specialist appointment.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
How much longer??
I am so done being pregnant! I mean, I am THROUGH! If I could magically fast-forward a few more weeks and pop this baby out, I totally would. I have the most wicked sweet tooth lately - I've had pie and ice cream, cake and ice cream, donuts, cheesecake (probably would have been good with ice cream), and I even baked a cake and have plans to bake rice crispies treats. It's amazing that I don't weigh over 200 pounds.
I am so swollen and puffy. My feet hurt and my shoes don't fit. My head hurts. My hips hurt. Walking up and down the stairs feels like I just ran a marathon. I am tired beyond belief, but when I lay down to sleep, I can't. I spend my nights tossing and turning - not an easy feat with all this extra baggage - until 3 or 4 in the morning, just wishing I could sleep. Late night TV is bad enough in the States, but when I'm limited to only 11 channels on AFN, I end up watching the most awful shows and movies out of desperation. To top it off, I have to pee every single hour, so I have to haul myself out of bed for that. I've heard people say it's nature's way of preparing you for the baby, and to that I say, "WHATEVER!" That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Why won't nature let me get as much sleep as I can in preparation for the many sleepless nights I'm sure to encounter once the baby arrives? Stupid!
And supposedly, the baby is supposed to slow down in movements right about now. Yeah - that's not happening for me. She is still a very active baby, especially at night, and sometimes it just feels like she wants to hurt me! I wake up to her little feet in my ribs every morning, and she spends the rest of the time stretching out and shoving that little foot as far as it will go, to the point of causing me pain. And she is her Daddy's girl, for sure. A couple weeks ago, I was trying to get to sleep, and Steve was behind me and he starts to spaz out a bit when he first falls asleep. Next thing I know, she starts to spaz, too! I thought it was a crazy coincidence at first, but it went on for a couple minutes - he would spaz and jump, then she would jump, then he would, then she would, back and forth. It was cute for a little bit, until I wanted to tell the both of them to "BE STILL!" so I could get some sleep.
Last Monday, we watched the Lamaze video. Oh. My. Dog. It was hilarious and we ended up goofing off most of the time. The people were from the 80s, and it was funny looking at the hairdos and clothes. However, we did actually try some of the techniques and we will give them a go. They also showed three different births, and WOW! Sometimes, I feel all set with the whole birth thing until I actually watch a video. Then, I think, "There's just no way in the world that is possible." We'll likely watch it a couple more times just to try to be prepared. Maybe next time we will be a little more serious. I only wish these tile floors were not so hard! Maybe next time we'll pad the floor with all the sofa cushions before getting down there.
Anyhow, I am so praying that I follow in the steps of my sisters and deliver her between 36 and 38 weeks. If so, then I only have 3-5 weeks left (give or take a few days). Steve put the car seat base into the car yesterday, and the pack and play is all set up, so we're set if she decides to make an early appearance.
Come on, baby!
I am so swollen and puffy. My feet hurt and my shoes don't fit. My head hurts. My hips hurt. Walking up and down the stairs feels like I just ran a marathon. I am tired beyond belief, but when I lay down to sleep, I can't. I spend my nights tossing and turning - not an easy feat with all this extra baggage - until 3 or 4 in the morning, just wishing I could sleep. Late night TV is bad enough in the States, but when I'm limited to only 11 channels on AFN, I end up watching the most awful shows and movies out of desperation. To top it off, I have to pee every single hour, so I have to haul myself out of bed for that. I've heard people say it's nature's way of preparing you for the baby, and to that I say, "WHATEVER!" That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Why won't nature let me get as much sleep as I can in preparation for the many sleepless nights I'm sure to encounter once the baby arrives? Stupid!
And supposedly, the baby is supposed to slow down in movements right about now. Yeah - that's not happening for me. She is still a very active baby, especially at night, and sometimes it just feels like she wants to hurt me! I wake up to her little feet in my ribs every morning, and she spends the rest of the time stretching out and shoving that little foot as far as it will go, to the point of causing me pain. And she is her Daddy's girl, for sure. A couple weeks ago, I was trying to get to sleep, and Steve was behind me and he starts to spaz out a bit when he first falls asleep. Next thing I know, she starts to spaz, too! I thought it was a crazy coincidence at first, but it went on for a couple minutes - he would spaz and jump, then she would jump, then he would, then she would, back and forth. It was cute for a little bit, until I wanted to tell the both of them to "BE STILL!" so I could get some sleep.
Last Monday, we watched the Lamaze video. Oh. My. Dog. It was hilarious and we ended up goofing off most of the time. The people were from the 80s, and it was funny looking at the hairdos and clothes. However, we did actually try some of the techniques and we will give them a go. They also showed three different births, and WOW! Sometimes, I feel all set with the whole birth thing until I actually watch a video. Then, I think, "There's just no way in the world that is possible." We'll likely watch it a couple more times just to try to be prepared. Maybe next time we will be a little more serious. I only wish these tile floors were not so hard! Maybe next time we'll pad the floor with all the sofa cushions before getting down there.
Anyhow, I am so praying that I follow in the steps of my sisters and deliver her between 36 and 38 weeks. If so, then I only have 3-5 weeks left (give or take a few days). Steve put the car seat base into the car yesterday, and the pack and play is all set up, so we're set if she decides to make an early appearance.
Come on, baby!
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